Remember when you read this next part that is MY opinion, MY feelings and MY experience.
Nobody wants to talk about death. Everyone wants to act like it's something so far in the future and that they won't have to deal with that hideous monster. I was that person too. I never thought that I would ever lose a close friend or family member unexpectedly. I definitely never thought that I would lose the love of my life at such a young age. I never thought I would have to help plan a funeral or pick out my best friend's last outfit he would ever wear. But guess what, you cannot avoid the unknown. You cannot live each day thinking "that will never be me." You can only live each day like it's your last, how cliche right? But it's true.
Nobody wants to talk about death. Everyone wants to act like it's something so far in the future and that they won't have to deal with that hideous monster. I was that person too. I never thought that I would ever lose a close friend or family member unexpectedly. I definitely never thought that I would lose the love of my life at such a young age. I never thought I would have to help plan a funeral or pick out my best friend's last outfit he would ever wear. But guess what, you cannot avoid the unknown. You cannot live each day thinking "that will never be me." You can only live each day like it's your last, how cliche right? But it's true.
You know what else people don't want to talk about?
What to say to people who are grieving, how to act around people who are grieving and how to not be a complete asshole toward someone who is grieving. Honestly, people should really just relearn how to talk, act, and treat people just in general but that's not what this topic is about today. Maybe next time.
There is no class that anyone can take to prepare someone for a conversation with a grieving person so I will give you a little insight and let you know what to stop saying and what to start saying.
We all know there is NOTHING anyone can say to someone who is grieving to make them feel better. So stop informing me there is nothing you can say to make me feel better, I already know. Stop saying "I can't imagine what you're going through" again, I know. And honestly all you're doing by saying that is reminding me how shitty my situation is and making me feel sorry for myself. Instead, start saying "I'm thinking about you" or "I hope you're doing well." Atleast when you say something along those lines it doesn't come off as you feel sorry for me.
I am not saying that the things mentioned above where the "wrong" thing to say to someone else. And don't take it personal if you said those either because 95% of people did because it's an unknown territory for everyone and it's an uncomfortable territory.
Sometimes I catch people looking at me in a different way compared to how they use to, like they are trying to read me. Stop looking at me like you think I'm about to break. Stop avoiding conversations because you want to spare my feelings. Stop treating me like I should be sad all the time.
Start sharing about what is happening in your life again, whether good or bad. Start sharing memories with me. Start wanting to make new memories with me. Start treating me like a normal person again. I know things are different in my life but everyone has their stuff going on in their life. My stuff is not any more important then the next persons. My stuff is just different.
I understand it's human nature to want to know "what happened" but stop asking. If I want to openly talk about everything with you I will. That should be common sense but apparently when something bad happens in someones life common sense is the first that leaves people brains or you're an idiot. And if that offends, you must have been one of the people that decided it was a great idea to ask me, Travis' family or Travis' best friends at our lowest points in our life.
I am saying this is the wrong thing to say to anyone. And saying something like that DOES make you an asshole.
It also makes you an asshole when you decide that someone's stuff is too much for you handle and you abandon them as your friend.
Stop trying to understand how I feel. Stop trying to picture yourself in my shoes. You're never going to know how I feel, even if the person you loved the most passed away. Nobody hurts the same. Nobody deals with hurt the same way. Stop trying to understand. Stop showing me sympathy. Stop feeling bad for me. I don't feel bad for me. I know what it feels like to be head over heels in love with someone and have that person feel the same way about me. I know how it feels to put someone else's needs before mine and be glad to do it. I know how it feels to laugh, like really laugh. The kind of laugh where you can't breathe but you also can't stop laughing so you're on the verge of passing out but then that feeling brings more happiness to you. I know how it feels to love someone so much but also want to punch them in the throat. I know how it feels to trust someone with every ounce of my being. I know how it feels to have found "The One." Not everyone on this planet can say they know those feelings but I do, and it was all because of Travis. Those happy feelings and the millions of memories we made together will forever be my strength everyday.
I am not saying that the things mentioned above where the "wrong" thing to say to someone else. And don't take it personal if you said those either because 95% of people did because it's an unknown territory for everyone and it's an uncomfortable territory.
Sometimes I catch people looking at me in a different way compared to how they use to, like they are trying to read me. Stop looking at me like you think I'm about to break. Stop avoiding conversations because you want to spare my feelings. Stop treating me like I should be sad all the time.
Start sharing about what is happening in your life again, whether good or bad. Start sharing memories with me. Start wanting to make new memories with me. Start treating me like a normal person again. I know things are different in my life but everyone has their stuff going on in their life. My stuff is not any more important then the next persons. My stuff is just different.
I understand it's human nature to want to know "what happened" but stop asking. If I want to openly talk about everything with you I will. That should be common sense but apparently when something bad happens in someones life common sense is the first that leaves people brains or you're an idiot. And if that offends, you must have been one of the people that decided it was a great idea to ask me, Travis' family or Travis' best friends at our lowest points in our life.
I am saying this is the wrong thing to say to anyone. And saying something like that DOES make you an asshole.
It also makes you an asshole when you decide that someone's stuff is too much for you handle and you abandon them as your friend.
Stop trying to understand how I feel. Stop trying to picture yourself in my shoes. You're never going to know how I feel, even if the person you loved the most passed away. Nobody hurts the same. Nobody deals with hurt the same way. Stop trying to understand. Stop showing me sympathy. Stop feeling bad for me. I don't feel bad for me. I know what it feels like to be head over heels in love with someone and have that person feel the same way about me. I know how it feels to put someone else's needs before mine and be glad to do it. I know how it feels to laugh, like really laugh. The kind of laugh where you can't breathe but you also can't stop laughing so you're on the verge of passing out but then that feeling brings more happiness to you. I know how it feels to love someone so much but also want to punch them in the throat. I know how it feels to trust someone with every ounce of my being. I know how it feels to have found "The One." Not everyone on this planet can say they know those feelings but I do, and it was all because of Travis. Those happy feelings and the millions of memories we made together will forever be my strength everyday.
